Campaign Materials Who Says? • What the law says • What Australian research says about what is actually happening Disclosure Discussed • HIV Disclosure amongst gay men • The Disclosure Dilemma for people with HIV Quotes and Links • Quotes about disclosure from people with HIV • Links to other sites on disclosure Credits/Disclaimer

The Disclosure Dilemma for people with HIV Anonymous or casual sex is a significant part of the lives of many gay men. And for many with HIV it offers a convenient outlet without the usual social obligations of cooking him breakfast or meeting his mother. While having sex without disclosing your HIV status is against the law in some Australian states in practice, disclosure under these circumstances does not always happen. Many positive men have been rejected upon disclosing to potential partners and some threatened with physical violence. That is why some men use a non-verbal form of disclosure by insisting on safe sex. Often, simply reaching for the condom at the appropriate time is enough. This method does have its pitfalls because an HIV positive gay man may assume his partner is also positive because he doesn’t insist on condoms, while a negative gay man may assume his partner is negative for the very same reason. Some men will make assumptions about their partner’s status based on how they look. Lipodystrophy, for example, can often be recognized, but not all hollow cheeks are related to HIV. Basing sexual decisions on how a person looks is never a foolproof strategy. There is no easy way to disclose your HIV-status to your sexual partners, or any guarantee they will respond positively. When it comes to relationships, however, most positive men who choose to disclose early in the relationship find that their partner is supportive. Often it makes no difference to the relationship and in some cases it even brings the couple closer together. The dilemma is when does a casual partner become a potential relationship? In an ideal world we would all disclose and all our partners would be supportive. But in the real world... 1. Disclosing can lead to rejection which can sometimes be traumatic. 2. There's no guarantee the person you disclose to will respect your confidentiality. 3. He may become upset or angry. 4. He may want to talk about it and you might not want to play the role of a counselor or educator at that time. Some HIV-negative gay men believe that it is the sole responsibility of gay men with HIV to disclose their status before having sex. There have been successful prosecutions brought against men in Australia for knowingly transmitting HIV. But there are more personal reasons for disclosing early... 1. It's a quick way to find out if you want to get to know the person better. 2. If you think that you are eventually going to tell someone you've met, the longer you delay it, the harder it can become – and the more resentment you might have to deal with. 3. You might be seeking other positive partners. 4. It makes it more likely that you'll stick to practicing sex that's safe for you and your partner. 5. If a condom breaks, you’ve at least told him first of the potential risks. HIV is a fact of life these days, particularly gay men’s lives, and responsibilities in any sexual encounter are always shared responsibilities. So, be bold and remember it’s his problem if he can’t deal with it.